What is the participation commitment?

As members of the International Friendship Program, both international students and American volunteers commit to participating in the program for one semester. At the end of the semester, the program hopes you will continue to meet with your partner, but your official commitment is complete at that time.

What advice do you have for arranging the first meeting with my partner?

Whether you’ve traveled extensively and spent significant time in a foreign country or you’ve never before had an international friendship, the following information is meant to help you build a relationship with an international student.

• When you receive your partner’s contact information, contact your partner within 48 hours.
• Research your partner’s home country so you can converse about it.
• Meet your partner in a neutral location, like a coffee shop or one of the student unions on campus.
• Confirm your meeting time by email, or your preferred form of communication.
• Share your name, email address and phone number with your partner to provide multiple means of communication.
• Decide how best to communicate (international students often prefer email).
• If you communicate by phone, find out the best times to call each other.
• Clarify how your partner wants to be addressed and how to pronounce their name.
• Bring photos to share as an icebreaker.
• Speak clearly and more slowly than usual, and avoid the use of slang.
• At the end of your first meeting, discuss when you will meet next.

What’s next after meeting my partner for the first time?

• At the end of your first meeting, arrange a time to meet next.
• If you do not see your partner for a month after your first meeting, stay in touch throughout the month to see how they are doing. Sending an email or text message is a good way to remind your partner that you care how they are doing.
• Like for your first meeting, confirm the meeting time and location with your partner.
• Take the time constraints of academic schedules into consideration when determining how long to meet.
• Consider including your or your partner’s friends in the second meeting.
• Communicate clearly what time you expect to meet your partner, and make it clear when you want the visit to end. In some cultures, it is normal to arrive late, and different cultures handle ending social visit differently.
• Be sure your partner has transportation to and from the meeting, if needed.

What if an event costs money?

If you and your partner decide to attend an event together, be sure to talk about any costs associated with the event and who will pay for them. As much as possible, consider free activities such as community festivals or inviting your partner to your home. Paying for your partner at the first event to attend together would be courteous, but is not necessary.

What can we talk about?

Try these conversation starters:

• “I’d love to see pictures of your family, friends, home and country.”
• “What do you like to do in your free time?”
• “What is your school like at home?”
• “Tell me about your family. How many brothers and sisters do you have?”
• “What kinds of foods do you eat? What are your mealtime customs?”

Should we avoid controversial topics?

International students may or may not be as willing as Americans to discuss controversial topics such as politics and religion. Be aware that their perspectives may be very different from your own, and be prepared for a friendly exchange of ideas. If your student appears hesitant to discuss such topics, please change the subject.

Religion and religious institutions constitute an important aspect of American culture that foreign students may have an opportunity to learn about and observe while attending the university. The International Center recognizes the importance of faith communities in the mid-Missouri area and welcomes individuals and families involved in churches, mosques and synagogues, as well as civic groups, to participate in the LIFE program. All community participants, regardless of religious or nonreligious affiliation, are asked to adhere to the NAFSA: Association of International Educators’ Statement of Ethical Principles for community programming as part of the application process.

Politics, particularly during an election year, may also present controversial topics for conversation. Engaging in debate on political or social issues of the day may be enjoyable to one student but cause extreme discomfort to another. Program participants are asked to be sensitive and respectful.

My partner has a family. What should I know about interacting with my partner’s spouse or children?

If your partner is accompanied by family members, you may have the opportunity to offer friendship and support to a whole family. Spouses often experience greater challenges to cross-cultural adjustment:

• Weak English language proficiency may limit communication.
• Separation from immediate and extended family may increase the sense of homesickness and lack of belonging.
• Discontinuing their own careers may create a sense of purposelessness and boredom.
• Focusing on the needs of children may delay their own efforts toward developing social support networks.

Many international spouses are educated professionals who are eager to be involved in American life. Immigration regulations strictly limit the activities of dependents of international students and scholars, particularly employment. Other options for community involvement include volunteering with organizations such as the Voluntary Action Center (573-874-CARE), attending Columbia cultural events and joining places of worship or recreation centers.

Fostering the development of English-language skills may be the most practical way to help spouses adjust to American society and, at the same time, make connections with the local community. English-language classes offered in the community may meet the needs of international spouses who are beginning to learn English as well as those who wish to improve their proficiency.

• The MU Intensive English Program offers non-native speakers of English a strong academic program of English instruction. It is designed to provide international students with the language skills necessary to successfully study for an academic degree here in the U.S. (573-882-7523).
• Columbia’s Adult Learning Center offers an adult English language classes (573-214-3690).
• MU offers several English conversation programs that pair international scholars with local community members.

What are some ways I can show my partner I value their friendship?

• Deliver homemade baked goodies or “comfort” food during exams or illnesses.
• Clip and share news articles about their home country.
• Meet occasionally for coffee or tea.
• Encourage your partner to stay in touch by calling or emailing you.
• Take photographs of your partner during visits or trips for them to send home.
• Celebrate holidays and birthdays together.