Hej fran St. Louis! After 4 months abroad, I’m back in Missouri! It’s odd to be back and some of the reverse culture shocks have caught me off guard. The first one was in the Chicago airport, where rather than frequent signage about outgoing flights, there are airport staff yelling directions at everyone. I also learned that when transferring flights from international to domestic, you have to retrieve and re-check your luggage, then go back through security. Honestly a bit of a rude awakening on my trip home. Nonetheless, I was thrilled to hit the ground at Lambert Airport where I was able to see my partner and parents after 4 months away.

Now that I’ve had a bit of time to reflect on my time abroad, I’ve come away with some lessons learned. Some of these are life lessons, and some of them are policies and cultural things I’d like to see change here in the US. I’ve done my best to summarize these lessons for you.

Lesson 1: Pay attention to the world around you I’ll be the first person to admit to you that I spend far too much time on my phone scrolling. When I went somewhere new, my instinct was to try and put my phone up and take in the world in Europe that I may never have this time in again. Good instincts. But when I first talked to my host parents and they asked me questions about what plants are in the Midwest, I became acutely aware of how seldom I bring this mindset to home. I struggled to articulate what it looks like at home. I know what it looks like, and I’d recognize it in pictures, but I rarely take the time to really notice it and take it in. These details are one of the things that makes life vibrant. This awareness is what makes you present in the moment, it is what enables artists to create art. These little things, like certain stars or flowers, are what made me feel more connected to my home. So explore the world around you. It’s probably more interesting than you think.

Lesson 2: Community is crucial While abroad, I had the privilege of visiting many queer spaces and spaces inhabited by a high percentage of immigrants. Between these two lenses, I quickly learned that they share one thing in common: community. Many marginalized groups are able to be resilient because they have the power of community. It’s difficult to describe, but the feeling of walking into a queer space as a queer person, knowing that this space is for me and I belong – is so important. This is important for widespread well-being. Individualism and the nuclear family uniquely inhibit the formation of community in many Western nations. Do not be bound by these expectations, find community spaces like local libraries and organizations, and meet people. While I have many friends, I always felt I lacked some piece of the social puzzle, and I think this is it. This is part of the reason that being in band and Kappa Kappa Psi feels good to me – it’s the community.

Lesson 3: Learn to advocate for yourself This was a lesson I started to learn before I was abroad, but being so divorced from everything at home made it more clear. When planning my study abroad in Sweden, I didn’t know if I’d be able to because of financial concerns, but I applied for some scholarships and advocated for myself and got them. Some of my classes weren’t going to transfer back home how I liked, but I reached out to ask if they could be re-evaluated to meet my requirements, and they were. At my school abroad, several of my classes ended up having an unrealistic deadline or two. When I, with the rest of my class, lobbied to have them changed, the professors were very receptive and flexible and we got more realistic due dates. When I left my phone on a subway in Amsterdam, I had to contact their help center and it took a while to get my concern addressed, but I did (the real pro tip is not to leave your phone on the subway). All this to say: don’t be afraid to ask for help and advocate for yourself. It can be frustrating at times, and maybe it’s scary to admit you’re not quite sure how to do something, or need assistance. But many times, there are resources allocated for that reason and SO many people don’t use them. If you don’t advocate for yourself, no one else will, and if no one advocates for you, the odds are not in your favor to get what you want.

Lesson 4: Work to live, don’t live to work. In Sweden, work culture was one of the biggest shocks for me. In the U.S., there’s so much hustle culture; the need to be at the top of your field, exceeding expectations, all the time. This mindset is incredibly draining and can make work your whole identity. It’s good to like what you do, but it’s even better to like other things too! You don’t have to exceed all the time, meeting expectations should be the regular. One of the first words I learned in Sweden was “fika,” meaning a short coffee break, typically to socialize a bit. I think we need a little more fika in our lives. Beyond that, the U.S. needs better benefits, including more paid vacation, paid sick days that aren’t part of your vacation, and parental leave. This allows time for people to do what they enjoy, and spend time with family, and it’s actually super great for preventing burnout, increasing productivity, and overall wellness! This really sunk in for me when my host mom was feeling a bit burnt out from overtraining for a sports event, and she simply decided to take a week off work. I’ve since learned that this would be common sense for much of the world, but it was a shock to the system for me. In high school when I had pneumonia I didn’t even take a week off. I think if I had this kind of culture around work and school, I’d be much less stressed, so we should work on that. On your own though, make time to do things you like! Schedule it like you’d schedule a work meeting. Easier said than done, I know, but it’s a good goal!

Lesson 5: Infrastructure is SOOO important. I’ve known for quite some time that city infrastructure in the U.S. isn’t great, but seeing the infrastructure in Europe really drove the point home. Firstly, Stockholm’s extensive public transport system was amazing, especially compared to basically no public transport here at home. I took public transport nearly every day, and honestly, it was super nice. Since you’re not driving, that transport time was time for me to do Duolingo, listen to audiobooks, read real books, call home, or do anything else I can’t do while driving. I already miss the public transport, and I wish we had more. Interstate trains, like an extension of Amtrak, would be especially nice, compared to flying. Stockholm also is really mindful of making everywhere walkable and incorporating a lot of green space. This green space is not just one area but incorporated throughout the city and suburbs. This makes the city feel more peaceful, have fresher air, and was really nice overall. The walkability of the city was really a highlight, because then it’s so much easier to explore. They also do better at separating streets and roads, instead of having stroads like the U.S. (you can watch this video to learn about stroads (What is a STROAD?). I’d love to see these changes be implemented here in the U.S., I think it would really change our quality of life and environmental impact.

Lesson 6: Do the scary things! This is my final lesson for you. Many things, like leaving the country for 4 months, moving in with a family you’ve never met, trying (and failing) to order your coffee in Swedish, skiing for the first time, or putting up a very personal project in the student hub, are incredibly scary. However, many of the scariest things like this that I’ve done have been some of my most rewarding experiences. At first, you might think, as I thought, that you can’t do it. That it’s too hard. But if you stick to your guns and use lessons 1-4, you just might make the memories of a lifetime. Remember all these lessons, and go conquer the world! Hej då!

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Learn more about this blogger’s study abroad program: DIS: Prostitution and the Sex Trade