For a whole month leading up to my Study Abroad trip in Barcelona, Spain, I suffered from severe anxiety. As someone who struggles with anxiety to begin with, the nerves of traveling abroad entirely alone only intensified the feeling. The trip that was only one month away, quickly turned into one week, then one day, and then, I was boarding my plane. The whole week before I left I found it hard to sleep at night. I was constantly replaying every “worst case scenario” in my head: What if I get lost trying to find my way? What if I make no friends? What if I fail at my internship? To console me, friends and family just told me that I was silly, that they knew I was capable and I needed to stop worrying so much. But it’s not that easy.

On the way to the airport, I felt a whole mixture of emotions to the point where I was almost numb. I had never flown alone before, let alone left the country alone (or ever). Part of me was excited, but my nerves wouldn’t let me feel the excitement. The first night I arrived, I was the only one at my apartment. That didn’t help any of the anxious feelings I had. I was hungry, but too nervous to even leave the apartment and get food. But what saved me was considering that everyone else is in the same situation I was in. That isn’t to discredit any of the feelings I felt, but it helped me throughout my first week when I was trying to meet friends. Once my roommates arrived, we clicked instantly and they became a safe space for me when I felt anxious about meeting other people. But the total opposite happened. I was more eager to meet people than nervous, and so was everyone else.

Being a whole month into my trip already feels crazy because it feels like I just arrived yesterday, but also like I’ve lived here my whole life. The most beautiful part about this journey is connecting with people I wouldn’t normally connect with. We all form a bond over one commonality and it’s the fact that we’re studying abroad and navigating this foreign country together. It’s amazing how a group of people can come together and become so close to learn and grow with one another, forming unbreakable friendships with people you just met and “wouldn’t normally hang out with.” It has shifted the way I view friendships, and the meaning of that while making me reflect on current friendships even.

In Spain, friendship to me is about having a sense of community, companionship and commonality in which we explore the foreign world together. Meeting people from so many different backgrounds has prompted me to reflect on my own upbringing, and I can feel myself growing from that. I am no longer the anxiety-ridden girl that came to Spain. I am evolving, and know I will continue to evolve in the next month that I am here. I feel more confident in who I am, who I’m becoming and the friendships I’m forming. I know these are relationships that will continue for the rest of my life and I can’t wait to see what other lifelong lessons and opportunities Spain will bring me.

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Learn more about this blogger’s study abroad program: Global Mizzou Internship: Barcelona