I avoided thoughts of leaving Spain for so long. When my host mom asked what time my train would leave, I answered her question quickly and moved the conversation elsewhere. The last time I was at the university was the day of finals. Despite late nights and confusion and dozens of emails to professors and prayers to the universe for the suffering to end, I was sad when I left the university. I tried not to think about it though. When I did think about leaving, I was in shambles. I’ve never been the kind of person who moves on easily, and I knew I would have trouble moving on from the best experience of my life. I knew that I would miss the beach and the mountains and the cheap travel and the beautiful architecture. What I didn’t expect to miss was the barista at my favorite coffee shop, or the hand railings on the subway that hummed under my fingers, or how even a light drizzle of rain made the locals run and hide inside, or the quiet afternoons spent with my host mom drinking café con leche and watching daytime reality TV.

I won’t lie, I really struggled to leave. And even though I am home now, and I am so happy to see my family and my dogs and my bedroom again, I still expect to wake up in Spain every morning. The ending of it all seemed to come so quickly and brashly. As I lay in bed on the last night in Alicante, I thought about all the things that I would miss, about all the things that were ending. And then I started coughing. And I remembered the cough I had on the first day I landed in Alicante. I had been so worried that my cough would keep my host family awake at night and I was counting down the days until the cough ended. Turns out the cough never fully left. I wasn’t upset, but thought it was very funny. The thought of my lingering cough that will probably never go away made me realize that nothing ever really goes away. Like coughs, life lingers. The experiences I had, the things I learned, all the pain and all the joy will linger. The next day, I would wake up in a different bed, with the same cough. I would find a new life and new baristas and a new favorite form of public transport. Some things have to end for other things to start; and some things will linger with you forever.

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Learn more about this blogger’s study abroad program: ALI Abroad: University of Alicante