Both new international students and continuing students commit to participating in the program for one semester. After that, we hope you will continue to meet with your partner, but your official commitment to the program is complete.
Whether you’ve traveled extensively and spent time in another country or you’ve never had an international friendship before, the following information is meant to help you build a relationship with someone from a different cultural background.
- When you receive your partner’s contact information, contact them within 48 hours.
- Decide how best to communicate: email, text message, messenger app, etc.
- Meet your partner in a neutral location, like a coffee shop or one of the student unions on campus.
- Communicate clearly what time you expect to meet your partner and when you want the visit to end. In some cultures, it is normal to arrive late, and different cultures handle ending a social visit differently.
- Be sure your partner has transportation to and from the meeting, if needed.
- Clarify how your partner wants to be addressed and how to pronounce their name.
- Research your partner’s home country so you can converse about it.
- Bring photos to share as an icebreaker.
- Speak clearly and more slowly than usual and avoid the use of slang.
- At the end of your meeting, make a plan to meet again.
- At the end of each meeting, arrange a time and place for your next meeting.
- If you do not see your partner for a month after your first meeting, stay in touch throughout the month to see how they are doing. Sending an email or text message is a good way to remind your partner that you care how they are doing.
- Consider the time constraints of academic schedules when deciding how long to meet.
- Consider including your or your partner’s friends in the second meeting. This could be a good chance to get to know more people at Mizzou.
If you and your partner decide to attend an event together, be sure to talk in advance about any costs associated with the event and who will pay for them. As much as possible, consider free activities such as campus events, community festivals or exploring Columbia’s parks and trails. If you invite your partner to you home, make sure they are comfortable with that — there are cultural differences regarding the appropriateness of being alone together, especially among people of mixed genders.
Try these conversation starters:
- I’d love to see pictures of your family, friends, home and country.
- What do you like to do in your free time?
- What is school like in your home country?
- Tell me about your family. Do you have any siblings?
- What kinds of food to you like to eat? Do you have any special mealtime customs?
- Can you recommend a song, movie, book, etc. from your culture?
Your partner may or may not be willing to discuss potentially controversial topics such as politics and religions. Be aware that their perspectives may be very different from your own and be prepared for a friendly exchange of ideas. If your partner seems hesitant to discuss certain topics, please change the subject.
Engaging in debate on the political or social issues of the day may be enjoyable to one person but cause extreme discomfort to another. Program participants are asked to be sensitive and respectful.
If your partner is accompanied by family members, you may have the opportunity to offer friendship and support to the family as a whole. Spouses often experience greater challenges to cross-cultural adjustment:
- Lower English proficiency may limit communication.
- Separation from immediate and extended family may increase the sense of homesickness and lack of belonging.
- Pausing their own careers may create a sense of purposelessness and boredom.
- Focusing on the needs of children may delay their own efforts toward developing social support networks.
Many international spouses are eager to be involved. Immigration regulations strictly limit the activities of dependents of international students, particularly employment. Some options for community involvement include volunteering with organizations such as the Voluntary Action Center (573-874-CARE), attending Columbia cultural events and joining places of worship or recreation centers.
Fostering the development of English language skills may be the most practical way to help spouses adjust to life in America and, at the same time, make connections with the local community. English language classes offered in the community may meet the needs of international spouses who are beginning to learn English as well as those who wish to improve their proficiency.
- Deliver homemade baked goodies or “comfort” food during exams or illnesses.
- Read and share news articles about their home country.
- Meet occasionally for coffee or tea.
- Encourage your partner to stay in touch by calling or messaging you.
- Take photographs of your partner during visits or trips for them to send home.
- Celebrate holidays and birthdays together.